Sunday, May 02, 2010

Ponder

As we grow older, we learn and experience new feelings. There's more stress, more things to worry about, more things to take into consideration, more face to meet, more sweet and bitterness to taste.
I always wondered: How was it to be old? How does it feel to have been alive for 40, 50 years? I've been around for 17 years and counting, and it already seems like a long way when you say "back then". What about those who are aged and seasoned?

As I grow older, I see more of life. And this year was a big slab of it. Death.
I always thought: What does it feel like to have to leave everything behind? What does it feel like to be nonexistent? It's a dreadful thought.

I'm the youngest of my family, my parents being the second youngest in their families for 10+ siblings. I never had the luxury of knowing my grandparents, nor was I close to my only living grandmother. When she left, my uncle left, I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know what to feel.

This January, my online friend died of brain cancer. It was something new to me at this age, having a friend - even if she was someone I met on the computer screen - leave this world unexpectedly because of cancer.
Last month, my mother's friend was diagnosed with final stage of lung cancer. She's someone I've known for many years now, and she really is a health enthusiast. How could this happen to someone without warning?
Last week, my Kalyana Mitra, a pair of wonderful siblings, lost their father to cancer. It must've been a tough 8 month battle together. She spoke of her father so dearly, happy knowing that he died in peace, not having to suffer from the disease anymore. Even though I did not know him, it brought tears to my eyes thinking of this terrible disease, and the great strength the Chow family had. I certainly am not ready.
Just now, my mum just told me my brother's friend's father who was also battling pancreatic cancer since 2008, passed on. I've seen this man when I was younger, and have always known him as a well-built, large man. I saw him again last year, 3 times smaller than he was, and so frail.

It's so heartbreaking to hear all of these news. What would I do when the one who leaves me was a close friend or relative? I wouldn't be able to bear it. Life is really unpredictable, and we humans who are gifted with the conscious mind, are weak against these strong emotions and cancer. I say that I understand the truth of the wheel of life, but I am unprepared.

All I can do now is pray for those around me, and hope that they will be safe, well and happy; wish that those who had left find peace and rest, and to be reborn into a better state; and to cherish every moment I take for granted.

Quote of the Day: "Life is uncertain, death is certain." - Annonymous
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