Sunday, August 08, 2010


Lately, I've been pretty down with a lot of things to think about. It's the last year of high school, SPM year, and the BIG, stressful decisions to make in life coming next year.

I remember a lot of things. Little things, big things, happy moments, proud moments, meaningful moments... I keep them deep in my heart. I guess that's why I always find myself constantly needing reminders of these things I hold dear. There's so many things in my mind now that's making me feel differently. And I think I know the main reason of why I've been down - I've been missing those things.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous seeing my friends having their birthdays celebrated by other friends. Cards signed by all your friends, friends pooling in money to buy presents, singing birthday songs in different languages... Of course I had expectations on my birthday. and truthfully, my 17th birthday had affected me in some way. All I wish for was to at least be able to leave with sweet memories. It was a Sunday on 4th April this year. It was Sports Day, and I was there. My last birthday with my high school friends, but nothing to remember it by.
I can't exactly be pointing fingers and blaming my friends for not building that memory for me. Everyone has been so caught up with life this year, so busy, and sometimes things would slip everyone's mind. I admit I'm sometimes careless too.
So, before I forget:
Thanks to all my friends for the 4 great birthdays you've shared with me in high school
Thanks JC for the birthday cake in 2008 - for giving me the chance to celebrate in class, to cut my own birthday cake and distributing it to my friends, all for the first time (sounds stupid, but it meant a lot, really)
Thanks Anthea, Nurul, Ili, for going crazy with me and celebrating 2009 and 2010 with me at Subang Parade and Sunway Pyramid, love you girls :3
Thanks everyone for all the birthday cards I've ever received! Anthea, Sarah, Melissa, Tara, Reuben... everyone.
I really missed those moments.

I used to commit myself in everything I could get my hands on because the experience and the people made it an enjoyable experience. It's rewarding when you see how your efforts were able to change things and touch people. Being in it for awhile, it does wear me out, and sometimes, we need someone to remind us again why we put ourselves through the hassle. I'm glad to say that finally, my efforts were somewhat recognized.

Last Saturday, 31 July, the school has named me "Tokoh Murid". I'm genuinely surprised and flattered, and ecstatic that I managed to make my mum so incredibly proud of me. I often take her compliments for granted, as they were rare and drowned in her naggings and other harsh and frequent opinions about me. After all the crap that has happened lately, I'm unable to fully bask in the glory of my huge win. That is when I realized how much these things really meant to my family, especially my mum. Although she has constantly used this win as an excuse to remind me of the family's expectations in my SPM, my family was the one who gave me the chance to celebrate this.
Mummy, if you're reading this, thank you for being with me through this time. Typing this down, I think we've became pretty close the past few days, and I'm really really happy that my hard work, this award, has made you become my friend.

It's impossible to turn back time. And like Debbie once said, no matter what the condition, you can never capture the same picture with the same angle, same expression, same lighting. (or something like that) I really missed what used to be, when we had no worries and played childish games, and laughed madly over the stupidest things. I think I've sometimes forgotten how to smile because I'm missing those days. So I hope that I'll be able to carry these memories with me, but make new moments with all of you so I'll never forget how to smile.

And please kindly do remind me if my blessings I've forget.

My life is filled with blessings
Abundant like the air
I've a little bit of everything
And a lot of love to share

I have all my friends to thank for
And I've nothing to regret
So please kindly do remind me
If my blessings I forget

There are days of joyous laughter
Of simple endless fun
There are times of childlike wonder
It's as if, life's just begun

I must thank the happy faces
Of the people that I've met
And please kindly do remind me
If my blessings I forget

While these blessings come and go
There'll be times when I'm alone
So I'll thank my friends and family
For the love they've always shown

My life is filled with blessings
How much I'll never know
They have soothed my times of trouble
They have helped me learn and grow

So I think it's now the right time
To return these deeds of love
And become a shining blessing
To one and all and all above

I'll become a shining blessing
To one and all and all above

~ i.gemz (Rainbow of Blessings) - "Blessings"
(my new "sure cry" song from i. gemz after "My Beautiful Friend")

Quote of the Day: "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been" - Mark Twain, Following the Equator.

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