Friday, October 28, 2011

Taken for Granted

I figured not many people read my blog anymore anyway, so might as well write this as my blog makes a good personal journal for myself. I'm probably the biggest stalker of my own blog. I also do realize many of my emo posts are very vague in their meaning (I try not to expose too much info) and probably make no sense to anyone but me. But I need it - reading my past posts does help me think about how I've grown, and typing it down helps me tackle my current emotions.
 You have been warned.)

Occasionally, I'd get to a very low point when I start attracting negative thoughts. I actually have two such post sitting in my drafts now as this low point has hit me recently. The thing is, like my drafts, I keep them all hidden, because I don't have the guts to share my problems, to find help. In the end, time would pass and I won't be able to speak about these struggles I had inside because the issue isn't applicable anymore, and so life goes on.

Reading my old blog posts, and from what I have been observing lately, I noticed that the source of my unhappiness were mostly the same: being taken for granted.

In work, when I give in everything I have - my passion, time, effort, blood, sweat, tears... There were always moments when I felt as if I wasn't given the credit I deserved. Is it wrong to feel this way? Is it right to to feel I've been treated unfairly? I do feel guilty for feeling that way (hence I don't speak about my dissatisfactions). I feel like by fighting for the credit or title would mean that I'm exposing that ugly monster in me. After all, I'm the one who committed myself, offering my service so I should see that everything gets through fine. And so by keeping silent and choosing the safe option of not sounding like a douche and for "the greater good", I beat myself down even more.

It's easy to rub elbows with me. I blend in easily as a friend, and I don't get mad easily as I hardly hold vindictive feelings towards people. But sometimes, when friends get a little too close, a little too comfortable, it becomes easy to tease you, to call you names and feel that it's okay, because they have taken your feelings for granted. I'm okay with harmless jokes, but after awhile, when people say untruthful things about you and others mimic, it does hurt sometimes. And sometimes, your friends might find it okay to poke fun at sensitive issues, because they know you can bear it. Worst still, some people would say hurtful things about you in third person. Of course, I try to shrug it off. I'm glad they think I'm friendly enough to be able to swallow some jokes, but do they realize that I am a girl? Some sensitive issues are things that I'm struggling with, are things that I've been constantly teased about already. I don't know why, but some people don't realize that their little actions and words make me feel as if I've been taken for granted, as if they don't see me as a girl. Is it wrong to be so sensitive? I do feel that sometimes I might be making a big fuss out of nothing, out of problems that only affect me (hence I don't share these thoughts). It probably isn't a big problem, but when it concerns my close friends, whether they've said things unintentionally or not, it still hurts.

It definitely doesn't help that I chose to shoulder all problems on my own, to be the hero in tight situations and even, emotions. I'm so used to carrying this burden alone, that I actually find it hard to unload it on other people. Lately, I think my silent cry for help was heard. It helped that recently, I've been able to hear other people's thoughts and their problems. To be reminded that I'm not the only one with their own personal struggles. It helped that I was able to start talking about it, little by little. So I realize that having these emotions aren't wrong, you just have to learn what's causing it, and how to deal with it. And sometimes, you just have to grow up, grow stronger, and you'll be able to grow out of these problems. I'm still learning how to stop being a hero, and although it's hard, I will do my best to face my inner struggles.

So remember! Learn to talk about your problems. Because if you don't share them, then you're taking your close friends for granted, because they care for you.


Quote of the Day: "Growing up is hard. You have to learn how to throw away that comfortable, smelly pillow that you depended on to sleep." - Suzanne Yin

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Intermission Again

Sorry for no new content! I've been uninspired to blog lately. Mostly because I haven't had the time, was busy with preparations of my finals, and while I'm free, I'm on Facebook, haha. And other times, I'm just lazing around or hanging out with my friends.

I know I was supposed to write about Animangaki, but my hard disk is not working! This, was my biggest bummer. :C Somehow, one day, my hard disk slipped out of my bag, out of its cover, and onto the floor. This was from chair-level. Since then, my hard disk cannot be detected by computers. The light would flash, the thing would still run with electricity, but the disk wasn't spinning! I haven't backed ANYTHING up in my hard disk, and that's sad considering I take lots of pictures, do lots of writing, all my college and high school work is in it. I'm quite a hoarder, be it virtual or real stuff. If my hard disk was gone, it's like losing a huge part of my college, high school and even primary school memories! GAAAAH! D: I have no idea what my dad did to it, but he tried to send it for repairs, and apparently, even after cutting poor Guak-Guak open, the data couldn't be recovered.


So yes. All mood is lost. :C I still won't face the fact that my hard disk is completely gone... I'm still bugging dad to do something about it... but ughhh... SAD. There's quite a lot of pictures on Facebook that I could still retrieve, but the size and quality would be bad, and there are my other collections (and camwhore pictures) that's hard to find. UGHHH SAD.

Yeah, so that's what's going on with me lately. The only other stuff I've been writing are some emo blogposts that are sitting in my drafts. A lot of emotions were flooding me lately, disappointment, frustration... so yesss... I had a full fruit diet last week, I -might- blog about it. And then it's also the last week of college this week! Unbelievable... Time flies.

So yessss. I'll try to post up some stuff. But if I do, don't count on it, as it might be just emo stuff. :P Cross your fingers that Guak-Guak will return! (then I'll post more substantial stuff!)


Quote of the Day: "You must not forget if that's an important memory to you... especially since when a person dies, he can only live in the memories of others..." - Takagi Wataru, Detective Conan.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

The Raya Update + Video Spazzm!

And Raya was a month ago. C:

I wanted to post more pictures about what I did during Raya. Then I just remembered that last week, my hard disk decided to commit suicide and now it's not working! DD: Dad hasn't fixed it yet, and a lot of pictures are in there, ughhhh.

But I thought, might as well post this up otherwise I'd never get it done, hahaha.

What I did for my Raya holiday: (27 August - 4 September)

  1. Celebrated Melissa's birthday!
    Went Sumo with Mel, Ant, Indi, Hapi and Kroduz. No, Sumo not the sport (*stares at Irfan*), but Sumo the Japanese restaurant at USJ9. Had a fun time analyzing Kro(zanne)'s sexuality and his crossdressing habits. :3 Didn't take much pictures, and whatever pictures I have is in my hard disk... orz

  2. Anthea's back in town! :D
    We went swimming on Sunday. Swimming, jacuzzi, steambath! Then I went back to her house, and it turned to a sleepover. C: Gossiped, cosplay-talk, stayed up late... Was supposed to go swimming again the next day, in the end we fail. xD

  3. Shopping!
    Went 1 Utama with Ant, Deb, Zoe, Anjie and Dhurga on Thursday. Went to Ant's house in the morning to play with makeup, hahaha. In the end, went shopping with my make up in tact. I hardly make up, so it felt a bit over the top for me as we were just going to 1U. I don't even put this much make up for cosplay sometimes! o_o Shopped for cosmetics! I bought a Kiss Me eyeliner and Cyber Colours Gemstone Liquid Foundation thingay.

    On teh car. Listening to K-pop!
    (bam ratatata tatatatata~)
  4. Anthea's Taiga Photoshoot!
    The next day, me and Melissa helped Anthea for her photoshoot! It's me and Mel's first saikang experience, and it's Anthea's first photoshoot! I actually have -some- pictures from the photoshoot, but we know Guak-Guak (my hard disk) is down, so we'll need to wait for that. :C
    We had A.R.C. for the photoshoot! Who happens to be Mel's "son". :P He's really friendly, and all in all, the experience was rather fun. ^^ Had Chatime and had fun "pearl-shooting", haha. Did a lot of random shiz. He hasn't uploaded the photos yet too, so we'll just have to wait...
And that was my Raya holidays! Hmmm, I wonder why I took so long to write this. o.o The week after that was Guardian Angel week, that weekend was Animangaki (so I had a lot of Cosplay stuff to worry about that week), and the week after that and after that, was my trials.

I will write about Animangaki and my Cosplay preparations next. Sorry for posting up lame, short blogposts with very little content in it! lD They're mostly for my own record. Hope you're still reading my page, haha. Because the "Like" button and chatbox are very lonely for a long time now!

Okay, I decided since I have so much space down here, I'm gonna toss in lots of random videos.

This is full of AWESOME. Lots of in-jokes for the Pokemon fans. :3

The first big trailer for Final Fantasy Type-0! First time I'm following a game's release so closely. Mostly because of my cosplay plans with Class Zero, hehe. :P

Super owhsm shiz. More in sight look of the game, and look at the all-star cast of voice actors! Daisuke Ono, Takahiro Sakurai (MY LOVE) and so many many smexy voices! Square-Enix and their owhsm power. They're really making Final Fantasy Type-0 a gem. :3

For a better view, watch the trailer on the Official Website. THIS IS EVEN MORE OWHSMNESS. I went nuts seeing all the new characters! It was really such a mindblast. Look at all the new seiyuu's! Ryotaro Okiayu, Akira Ishida! NOMNOMNOM.

Okay, spazzed enough. Toodles. :D

Quote of the Day: "Nothing to lose but my life... and I got that for free!" - Setzer Gabbiani, Final Fantasy VI.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Origins of Gula Melaka

I've mentioned this multiple times, but it hasn't been properly explained how my nickname, SugarGaL and later, Gula Melaka came about.

Why Sugar?

My Chinese name's "Shu Hui". So since I was little, my relatives and family friends would call me "Shu-ger", a play on my name and "girl". Eventually, Shu+girl = Sugar!
They still call me this even till today. Not all of them, but they still do. xD

Why SugarGaL?

Ragnarok Online came to Malaysia in 2003! I was 10, and I wanted to play it, but I needed a username. My cousin brother suggested using Sugar. But "Sugar" can't stand alone... so a random thought threw "Gal" behind "Sugar". (so now I am Shu-ger-ger!) And it stuck until today. Except that I capitalized "L" in case people couldn't tell. And that stuck too.

Why Gula Melaka?

20-07-2007, at Debbie's house for her birthday party. She was doing introductions. Somehow, something spurred her to dub me "Gula Melaka". I laughed so hard. It was totally true.

1. I'm SugarGaL
2. I'm from Melaka
3. I'm like the Gula Melaka (brown palm sugar)! I am sweet... and dark

So there you have it, the origins of my nicknames! I use other stuff like "Persephone" too, but mostly because it looks and sounds cool, hehehe... I really like Gula Melaka because of its deep meaning, but I think it's a bit too lengthy for normal usage. And it's very much an in-joke. xD

The end kthxbai.

Quote of the Day: "If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them." - Johnny Depp

Monday, October 03, 2011

TAS Cosplay Cafe

(Photos courtesy of Nick's camera and Florance [and some of me])

The Taylor's Anime Society Cosplay Cafe!

Serving our customers with passion :3

This is a waaaaaay overdued post!

So, I raised the idea of the Cosplay Cafe to my Anime Society some time in July. I envisioned a Maid Cafe-style cafe, with Maid services, but with cosplayers as "Maids". I thought that it'll be an interesting project, and TAS did a small one a few years back too. The harmless and hopeful suggestion was taken in by my president, and more surprisingly, he made me lead the team for the event. o_o

Honestly, I was frightened. I didn't know whether to be excited and proud or intimidated and scared. I know I can be a leader, and I'm pretty good at giving feedback and spotting some stuff that are overlooked, but then when it comes leading stuff like events, I'll get overwhelmed and I can't keep track of what needs to be done. I took up the job anyway, and I was going to own it.

It was a long preparation process. Tried to rally for more help, got the TAS peeps behind my back. The only problem is, it was hard getting things done with a club that's very easily distracted (me included ^^"). The original date of the Cafe got postponed as we procrastinated a lot of stuff. Sometimes, there are moments where I get really frustrated, and I feel like I'm the only one who knows what's going on, the only one who cares, the only one who's worried about all the undone work (but we all know these "I feel/I think" only happens in your own mind...). About a week or so before the event, then only we were actually getting some work done.

It was a stressful week. Besides the Cafe, I had to do:
1. Physics Final Report
2. Moral Exams
3. Maths Directed Investigation
4. Maths, Bio and English work

Then for the Cafe, we had so much things to prepare:
1. Staff list (never really had a proper one...)
2. Menu (which wasn't confirmed till Monday, and was still being changed the night before)
3. Shopping (went on Tuesday! But we still made a lot more trips to various shops for more goods)
4. Service (had staff briefings on Wednesday and Thursday, which could've been more detailed...)
5. Cosplay (to actually be prepared with the costume takes some time too...)

I stayed back after college everyday, till at least 6pm (and way beyond for most days). It was the last stretch and finally everyone got down to business! And I really couldn't do it without them, because I was overthinking things, getting too worked up and worried, and I hero too much of the work from the start. ^^" Should've seen me running around the place with my zomgstfubbq face. o_o

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