Sunday, February 19, 2012

Jill of All Trades

[thoughtful/rant post that may/may not make sense]

I am pursuing Dentistry.

"You're going to look at mouths all day!"
"Really? I thought you'd do something like law/arts/etc."
"Don't you like doing [insert hobby]? Shouldn't you be a [insert related occupation]?"

You don't say... I'm pretty sure I'm not expecting to be a dentist that's slamming tables at court.
Yes, I love cosplaying and talking and expressing myself, but I'm not good enough and I know myself well that I can't make that a career.

The real reason of why I'm pursuing Dentistry? I don't know where my life's passion lies. Or how do I make a career out of it.

Lately, I've come to see myself as a Jill of all trades - someone who's good in many things, but never the best.

My family says I'm academically the smartest among us 5.
But I perform just slightly above average - I'm not smart enough for straight A's or scholarships.

I love cosplay, won a few competitions, and I've been at it for years.
But I'm not pretty or renowned, my costumes are mediocre, and I'm definitely not as skillful or pro as some who started later than me.

I love writing. I'm comfortable expressing myself in words and I enjoy freeing my imagination and writing with symbolism.
But I shy in comparison to so many wonderful writers out there. I have a limited vocabulary and my figures of speech can't never be as beautiful. And I can't seem to completely pen down the stories in my mind, and no one gets the symbols in the stuff I write (either it's too deep, or it was completely unnecessary...)

I can play the piano, and I got my Grade 8 in 8 years.
But I'm definitely not good at it, despite the certificate.

I'm a natural leader, I can do sports, sing, dance, speak in public, and so many more.
But I'm just not very good at what I do. I'm just good. Mediocre. Okay.

In many personality/career test I do, I'm always the "artistic" one. I would love to make that a career, but it's not a very practical choice. I'm not saying it's bad or impossible, I don't think my capabilities or passion is great enough.

Case in point: my brother, Dennis. His passion is dance. He lives and dreams dance. Dance revolves around his life so much that it really is his career now. And he is great at what he does! And he is constantly bettering himself at it.
To do something you love so much as a job, that's what I would love to do. I'm so jealous of those who know what their passion is, those who know right in the beginning what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I wish I could be like my brother. Before the day my passion for any art becomes clear like my brother's, I cannot commit myself as a real artist in that field.

I've always been in the best/better class in school. I've always been doing Science subjects and just trying to get good results that I don't know what else there is. You could say I pressured myself into taking a professional course like Dentistry. It's the only Science field that I could see me doing, that I was interested in. If I go back to doing Science, it's Dentistry for me.

Putting it that way, I guess I can't blame people for asking me why I chose Dentistry. "That's not like you! You like to talk and be with people!" Instead of asking me questions and telling me what I am like, please tell me, what do you want me to do? What do you see me as? Mass comm, law, doctor, what is it?

No one can give me an answer.

The easiest reason to why I chose Dentistry was that I had braces and I was somewhat inspired by my dentist (true story). She seems happy with her job, she works normal hours, and she earns good money! So I thought I could make good money and use good money and time to support my other hobbies. Another reason is that I felt the need to fall back into Science and use my somewhat-academically-gifted brain (But I do enjoy Science! Just that Physics is so so confusing to me...).

Now as I write about it, maybe the reason of becoming a dentist was my way of staying out of the "Jill" bubble. Because I'm never spectacular at what I do, I can only prove to myself that my skills are worth something by winning competitions or snagging some sort of award/recognition. I needed to challenge myself with goals that are attainable. I'm always looking for greater heights to achieve. Becoming a dentist is now that greater height I'm climbing towards. For a person who is lost without a purpose, dentistry is right for me.

I must sound like a really silly and sad person after all I've written about. Many people have questioned my choice. But I've stuck to my decision and although my reasons are weak, I am serious about this. I know what I'm getting into, and I'm determined to become a dentist. I'm even hoping to specialize in orthodontics if the future allows. If I can't find my passion, I'll just have to work hard at something I like! I can't afford to hesitate now. I'll just have to dash to the summit without looking back!

Jill of all trades, master of none.
That's me. I can do anything. I'm okay with everything. I'm not particularly good in one thing. I have many hobbies that I love equally, but I can't find the one that rises above all. That's why I don't know what to do. That's why I don't know what should I pursue. That's how I came to my decision of Dentistry.

I may be a Jill, but I can still be successful.


Quote of the Day: "When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap." - Cynthia Heimel

3 comments:

  1. Nice blog. You might like this quote about pretty and beautiful people. http://caroleschatter.blogspot.co.nz/2012/03/quotation-spot_17.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know how u feel suzanne, I still dunno what my passion is either.. We'll find it one day. (: Good luck in India!~

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  3. Awwh, thanks for reading my blog! xD All the best to both of us then! Thanks again, I'll work hard in India. xD

    ReplyDelete

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